DOWNTON ABBEY Recapped Entirely From Memory: Season 2
There is almost no one in the whole history of the world whom I would rather be less than Daisy.
Happy Memorial Day Weekend! Christ it’s been a shit week. So, let’s talk about that first time (in the 20th Century at least) that all of Europe decided to blow up 99% of their young men for reasons. I mean, mostly I’m just gonna make jokes about Downton Abbey’s second season, actually.
Season 2:
It is a time of war. A great war! A world war! The first one ever! Cousin Matthew and Thomas are both away in the trenches fighting, which is miserable. But meanwhile, Downton Abbey is a hospital now, so there are lots of soldiers recuperating in the drawing room constantly, and Lord Grantham is forever in an army uniform even though he’s literally just hanging out. Which is actually really funny when you think about it. Like, “Look at me! I’m dressed up for Army!” and everyone else has to be like, “That’s nice, milord.”
Lady Sybill learns how to boil water and becomes a nurse, which is how nursing works. Lady Grantham and Matthew’s mother, Isobel, butt heads because they both want to be in charge of everything. So, then Isobel…fucks off somewhere or other.
Fully having an unexpectedly rotten time in THE WAR, Thomas manages to get his hand shot and is discharged. Then, while he’s in the hospital—a different one, but Sybil is there too for some reason—he meets a handsome depressed fellow who was blinded in the war. And maybe they were falling in love kinda, but then the blind guy kills himself. Sad.
Also, Lord Grantham has a new valet because Bates is…gone somewhere…but, like, not to the war? I think he went off to divorce his wife, because he wants to marry Anna, but he’s already married which I think is a thing from Season 1 that I forgot? Anyway, the new valet has PTSD, and O’Brien, who is now all repentant after causing Lady Grantham’s miscarriage, is nice to him. But he’s too unwell to do that job and is soon fired. Nice one, Granthams!
So, despite the literal entire western world falling apart, Matthew and Mary have both managed to find new love interests. His is a worried ginger called Miss…Squire, I think? She always seems very nervous like she might fall down or start crying. And Mary has gotten herself involved with Sir Richard Carlisle (right?), an upstart newspaper mogul who is very rich and ruthless. Everyone is a little like, “Really? This guy?” Because he earned his money and his title is super new so he’s not as fancy as them. And also he’s mean, which actually kinda makes him perfect for Mary.
At some point, Matthew disappears in the war. But then they find him and he’s injured so they bring him to Downton, where we quickly learn that not only is he paralyzed from the waist down, but also he probably can never have sex again. Which causes all kinds of problems due to hereditary succession, etc (remember that from Season 1?). So, he breaks up with Miss Squires, and I think Mary—who is still in love with him obviously—decides she’s going to nurse him back to health for the rest of her life. But it’s fine, because somehow he miraculously recovers and then gets back together with Miss Squire. Or is it the other way around? Maybe they get back together and then he can walk and fuck? I dunnooooooo!
Anyway, one day Edith discovers a hideously scarred soldier who claims to be the heir that everyone thought sank on the Titanic that one time. Except now he has a Canadian accent because he…washed up onshore in Canada? And didn’t bother to tell anyone? Seems fishy, right? Yeah, everyone else thinks so too! But remember Edith was in love with that heir and now wants to believe he has risen from his watery grave and is not a con man. But then he just up and disappears one day AND WE LITERALLY NEVER HEAR ABOUT THIS AGAIN. Edith remains sad.
Umm…William gets to go to the war, which at first they wouldn’t let him do because he’s an only child or something? Is that how Army works? But then the first thing he does in the war is get grievously injured. So, they bring him back to Downton to die, but not before everyone, especially Mrs. Patmore, pressures poor dim old Daisy into marrying him on his deathbed. Then he dies literally five minutes later. But later, William’s dad is like, “Daisy, you am my daughter now.” And at first she’s like, “This is tooooooooooooo weird!” But then she decides to just go with it. Poor Daisy. There is almost no one in the whole history of the world whom I would rather be less than Daisy.
I think by this point…the war is over. But then the 1918 Flu Pandemic happens, and both Lady Grantham and Miss Squire get deathly ill. And only one survives! Guess which one…
It’s series regular Lady Grantham!
Now that Miss Squire is dead, Mary and Matthew can get married, right? Wrong! Matthew’s like, “She died knowing I didn’t love her, so now I can never marry you!” Or something. And so, he gets to be tortured, and Mary is tragically still affianced to Sir Richard of Newscorp.
Oh, christ, I almost 100% on purpose forgot about Anna and Mr. Bates. Ok, so this is the beginning of one of the worst, most never-endingly regurgitated storylines this show ever did: Bates couldn’t get his estranged wife to do a divorce because—oh yeah!—the reason he was away before was his mother died and left him a bunch of money. And Mrs. Bates wants that money. So she shows up at Downton and they have a fight. And then she leaves, but is found dead shortly after! So, the police come and arrest Bates for murder!
Cut to: CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!
It’s Christmas and everyone is doing, you know, Christmas stuff: giving joyless presents to the servants, like fabric so that they can literally make their own uniforms (I think this is a real that used to happen); also playing charades, which the Dowager likes but Sir Richard doesn’t.
Also, Sybill and Branson aren’t there because—I forgot this—at some point they ran away to get married and moved to Ireland. So, they’re not in the Christmas Special at all, but Lady Grantham does get a letter saying Sybil is pregnant.
So, I think most of this *Christmas* special is about Bates’s murdering trial. Everyone at Downton believes with all their hearts that he is innocent and is trying to help, especially Anna. Are they married at this point? I feel like I remember her saying something like, “My husband is on trial for murder,” at some point… Sure, let’s say they’re married.
Lord Grantham has his lawyer on the case, but then he and Mrs. Hughes and O’Brien all have to testify and somehow all of their evidence looks really bad for Bates. So he is found guilty of poisoning his wife to death. The good news though is that they manage to get him sentenced to prison instead of execution, and off he goes to gaol.
Now, Mary and Matthew: At some point Mary had to tell Sir Richard about that hot guy who died in her bed—who knows why!—and he has been keeping it out of the papers. But now she’s bored and annoyed with him and doesn’t want to get married anymore, but she has to because otherwise he will let the story of her sexual shame get published. Except then Lord Grantham finds out about all of this and is like, “You know what, fuck it. Just run away to United States and marry a cowboy!” HAHAHA! WTF? Sure! So, Mary breaks up with Sir Richard, who, it turns out, isn’t so evil after all, because he doesn’t tell the world about how she’s a fallen woman.
And now that Matthew and Mary are both single, Isobel is like, “You two are being real dumb. Get married now, ok please?” So they do. Or they will next season.
Oh, and also Lord Grantham’s sister Lady Rosamund has been around for the holidays with her own scheming maid and this other old dude. See, Rosamund was kinda into this old guy, but it turns out he was just after her money and actually he was scheming and sexing with her scheming maid the whole time. But I think Anna or Mary or maybe both figure out what’s going on and tell Rosamund, and then that’s over.
Also, is this the one where Thomas hides Lord Grantham’s dog? I think it is?
Next: Season 3!